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Please note: This post talks about mental illness, specifically depression and anxiety, as well as loss and grief. If any of these make you uncomfortable, feel free to skip over this!

June was the seventh year anniversary of my mother’s death. It hardly seems like it’s been that long. My mother was such an alive, vibrant, radiant person that her no longer being here sometimes seems like an impossibility. It certainly was nothing I would have ever expected or known to brace for. To this day, it still feels like I was punched in the gut.

I began having panic attacks around the anniversary itself. I took myself to the emergency room one morning after having been engulfed in panic for almost twelve hours. I felt certain that I was going to die. My jaw throbbed, my chest ached. But I was okay, and an EKG, stress test, and an appointment with a cardiologist proved that. At least I’m physically okay, although my mind is a mess.

I’ve felt lately that I have to censor myself in order to keep others comfortable. “Don’t talk about being less than perfect, Emily — it bothers other people.” I’ve always been open about my mental illness. While I don’t want it to define me, it is a part of who I am. It has been there since I was ten, and it will be there until I die. I always found comfort in the confessions of those who have similar struggles (Jenny Lawson is my heroine), and after discovering Brené Brown about five years ago, I made the conscious decision to be authentic and (try to) embrace my vulnerability. If I can’t admit to having these emotions, how can I be my authentic self?

So here’s the real, 100%, honest to God, authentic Emily: I have major depressive disorder and it’s usually controlled well with medication but sometimes I feel like crap. I miss my mom every single day and sometimes I cry myself to sleep thinking about her. I have extreme anxiety and worry about a lot of dumb shit, although it’s not as paralyzing as it used to be. I have all the hang-ups everyone else seems to have, but I like who I am and I make myself laugh. I don’t handle stress well. I’m messy and I run late constantly and I screw stuff up, but I have a good heart.

That’s me. Nice to meet you.

    • Festive af last night. Second picture was, uh, several drinks in at a Christmas party.
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#ootd #psootd #whatiwore #whatimwearing #wiw #whatiworetoday #curvygirl #curvy #curves #curvesahead #curvywoman #curvyfashion #curvystyle #plussize #plussizefashion #plusisamust #plussizestyle #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bopo #psblogger #psbloggers #blogger #plussizeblogger #plussizebeauty #girlswithcurves #purplehair #pinkhair #alternativecurves
    • My coworker said I looked like a rich bitch after I put on my coat, but my outfit is totally Target except for my boots. But if you pronounce it “Tar-jay,” we can pretend I paid hundreds of dollars for this look.
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#ootd #psootd #whatiwore #whatimwearing #wiw #whatiworetoday #curvygirl #curvy #curves #curvesahead #curvywoman #curvyfashion #curvystyle #plussize #plussizefashion #plusisamust #plussizestyle #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bopo #psblogger #psbloggers #blogger #plussizeblogger #plussizebeauty #girlswithcurves #purplehair #pinkhair #alternativecurves #targetstyle
    • My first Christmas in my apartment (2016) vs this year. Still don’t think I have enough decorations though.
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#home #homedecor #living #livingroom #livingroomdecor #vintage #vintagehome #homesweethome #southerncharm #southernliving #memphis #midtownmemphis #catcourt #apartmenttherapy #apartmentliving #smallspaceliving #apartment #apartmentdecor #target #targethome #christmas #christmasdecor #christmasdecorations #pinktree #pinkchristmas #pinkchristmastree
    • Possibly professional.
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#ootd #psootd #whatiwore #whatimwearing #wiw #whatiworetoday #curvygirl #curvy #curves #curvesahead #curvywoman #curvyfashion #curvystyle #plussize #plussizefashion #plusisamust #plussizestyle #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bopo #psblogger #psbloggers #blogger #plussizeblogger #plussizebeauty #girlswithcurves #purplehair #pinkhair #alternativecurves
    • Yeah, it happened. 🤷🏻‍♀️ My apartment is festive AF.
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#home #homedecor #living #livingroom #livingroomdecor #vintage #vintagehome #homesweethome #southerncharm #southernliving #memphis #midtownmemphis #catcourt #apartmenttherapy #apartmentliving #smallspaceliving #apartment #apartmentdecor #target #targethome #christmas #christmasdecor #christmasdecorations #pinktree #pinkchristmas #pinkchristmastree
    • These past two, three months have been a journey for me. I try to be honest about my struggles with mental illness, but I have gone through some things lately that I felt were going to break me. I feel like I have finally come out of the other side, and I feel stronger than I have in many years. Guys, don’t be afraid to ask for help if you are struggling. There is no reason to waste your time on Earth hurting. You deserve to be happy.
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#curvygirl #curvy #curvywoman #curvystyle #plussize #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bopo #psblogger #blogger #plussizeblogger #girlswithcurves #selfie #positivevibes #purplehair #pinkhair #colorfulhair #mentalhealth #depression #recovery #endthestigma #ptsdrecovery #bpd
    • I promise I’ll post some actual content soon. Life has been insane the past couple months. In the mean time, here is a picture of @buzzcocked and I from the Memphis Flyer. I promise we were not drunk (yet).
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•• #ootd #psootd #whatiwore #whatimwearing #wiw #whatiworetoday #curvygirl #curvy #curves #curvesahead #curvywoman #curvyfashion #curvystyle #plussize #plussizefashion #plusisamust #plussizestyle #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bopo #psblogger #psbloggers #blogger #plussizeblogger #plussizebeauty #girlswithcurves #purplehair #pinkhair #alternativecurves
    • Waiting to put up most of my Christmas decorations, but started on this little village.
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#home #homedecor #living #livingroom #livingroomdecor #vintage #vintagehome #homesweethome #southerncharm #southernliving #memphis #midtownmemphis #catcourt #apartmenttherapy #apartmentliving #smallspaceliving #apartment #apartmentdecor #target #targethome #christmas #christmasdecor #christmasdecorations
    • Making meatloaf, drinking pumpkin beer, and getting ready to watch a spooky movie. It’s the most wonderful time of the year! 🎃👻💀🍁🍂
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#home #homedecor #living #livingroom #livingroomdecor #vintage #vintagehome #midcenturymodern #homesweethome #southerncharm #southernliving #memphis #midtownmemphis #catcourt #apartmenttherapy #apartmentliving #smallspaceliving #apartment #apartmentdecor #autumn #halloween #halloweendecor #vintagedecor #targethome #targetstyle
    • Put a combination of @joico ruby red and amethyst over my faded amethyst, and I kind of love the results! It’s red-violet, burgundy, bright conglomeration of color. (Also, I bought these glasses thinking they were very Jackie O, but I feel more Willy Wonka in them. 🤷🏻‍♀️)
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#ootd #psootd #whatiwore #wiw #curvygirl #curvy #curves #curvesahead #curvywoman #plussize #plussizefashion #plussizestyle #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bopo #psblogger #plussizeblogger #girlswithcurves #purplehair #redhair #alternativecurves #colorfulhair
    • Okay, so clearly I need to clean my mirror/room/life, and I’m hiding my face because makeup didn’t happen today, but I ended up accidentally wearing the cutest outfit today because I ran out of black clothes except this dress, and I ran into Target and bought sparkly leggings and booties and, whoops, cute outfit. I’ll get a better pic of the leggings and booties tomorrow.
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#ootd #psootd #whatiwore #whatimwearing #wiw #whatiworetoday #curvygirl #curvy #curves #curvesahead #curvywoman #curvyfashion #curvystyle #plussize #plussizefashion #plusisamust #plussizestyle #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bopo #psblogger #psbloggers #blogger #plussizeblogger #plussizebeauty #girlswithcurves #purplehair #pinkhair #alternativecurves
    • I’m tired of the purple, but I’m not really sure what color to do next. Part of me wants to go back to brunette, but I know I’ll get bored. 😂
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#ootd #psootd #whatiwore #wiw #curvygirl #curvy #curves #curvesahead #curvywoman #plussize #plussizefashion #plussizestyle #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bopo #psblogger #plussizeblogger #girlswithcurves #purplehair #alternativecurves #colorfulhair